We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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