there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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