The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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