i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
