'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
