Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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