Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
