Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
