apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
