im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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