College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
