umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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