i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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