Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
