I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
