the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
