Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
