I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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