All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
