I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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