Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
