Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
