I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
