if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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