Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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