Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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