We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
