My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
