oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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