Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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