She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
