He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬