just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly