i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
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You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.