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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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