Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I need a beard to bite.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
