well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
