Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
