Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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