I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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