I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
