I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
