Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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