I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
