I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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