when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
