1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
