I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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