For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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