I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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