I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
