I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
