we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
