Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
