tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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