I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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