she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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