He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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