Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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