He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
