I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
