my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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