5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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