What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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