You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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