I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
