she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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