I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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