Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drake has all the answers
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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