I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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